and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
