GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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