Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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