I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
