you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
