I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
