Your dad touched me again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Found the puke drawer
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
