would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
