At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
