I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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