he wants to bone in the snuggie
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
