This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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