he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
