I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
