WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
