If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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