drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The adults are the big ones right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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