You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
