my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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