??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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