I faked an abortion last night.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
