she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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