It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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