i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
