Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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