Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
