last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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