also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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