At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
