I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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Be still, my beating vagina.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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