Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
