I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
