i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
