Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Little spoons don't ask big questions
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
