I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
