Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
