I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i've created a new STD.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
