would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
