she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
