john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
