I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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