Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We smell like vodka and hangover
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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