there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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