And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
