What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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