she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
