Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I cannot find my penis.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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