She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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