she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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