If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You are a genius and a whore.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
