I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
