Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
