I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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