In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
