Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
