Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
