I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
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If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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