her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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