We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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