my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
