fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
