Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
