Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
