I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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