You really coming over, don't trick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
