Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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